How the ASG Team Selection Went Down

LeBron: Alright Wardell, we've both given ourselves the night to think this over, let's get started and pick teams!

Inner Steph: What's this mofo up to now?

Steph: Leggo, let's get started and give the people what they want!

LeBron: are you guys all ready?

Inner Lebron: Alright King, let's think strategy.  Let's think big picture. Let's cause an internal rift so that we can divide and conquer the Warriors once we meet them in the Finals.

LeBron: For my first pick, I select KD!

Steph: 😱

Kevin Durant: On to my next chapter!

Draymond Green: KD, you snake! 🐍

Inner Steph: dammit, I knew it. At least he hasn't seen through my plan yet. It'll be fun to see LeBron ice Kyrie, and Kyrie tries to win the MVP over LeB***h. I know he'd rather have me pick Kyrie, but where's the fun in that?

Steph: Ok, my first pick is The Beard!

James Harden: Steph, you be the chef, and I'll be cooking all day! 👨‍🍳

Draymond: Imma call Myers and ask for the trade right now 😡!

Giannis: *Looks at the voting results* Dray only got... 41 player votes. I mean, he didn't make it as a starter, right?

LeBron: Good pick!

Inner LeBron: I see what you're doing here. This ni*** out here tryna make a fool outta me by having me pick Kyrie, putting me in a tight spot. Should I pick him over DeMar? Damn if I do, and damn if I don't smh.

LeBron: Since you picked "The Beard", my next pick is "The Brow"

Inner LeBron: Let's see you guys guard me, KD, and AD

Inner Steph: Crap, he just took my pick. Hmm, Bob said to enjoy the weekend, but use this opportunity for tampering 🤔. Let's get on the Greek Freak's ear so that he can force a trade next year.

Steph: Alright, since we are going with nicknames, I'm taking "The Greek Freak"

Inner LeBron: Boogie or Embiid. Tough choice here. Embiid's gonna play at the Rising Stars, party after the game, and will party the entire Saturday. Man, that's like a back-to-back-to-back. Jo-Jo's gonna suck, he's gonna play like Ibaka on the second day of a back-to-back, I can't have a starter with a DNP-Rest, so imma have to go with Boogie.

LeBron: I got Boogie next

Steph: Ok, so Jo-Jo's with me

Inner LeBron: Got an image to protect, so I can't look like the bad guy if I don't pick Kyrie. Oh well.

LeBron: My last pick would be Kyrie

Kyrie: Let's get this, brother!

Inner Kyrie: See, the earth is flat, and the sun and everything revolves around LeBron 🙄

Steph: Done, I got DeMar

DeMar: last pick FOH #proveem

LaMarcus: Why are you pissed DeMar? at least you're not the last pick overall

Draymond: Yooooo who invited LaMarcus? I thought this is for all stars only?

Steph: Ok, let's finish this up, I gotta go before Ayesha finds out that I'm not home.

LeBron: Aiite, make your pick Wardell

Inner LeBron: Please pick Kevin

Steph: I got KAT

Draymond: That's it, pick me LeBron! 😡 😡 😡

Inner LeBron: mofo stole my pick! WTF the next best player available is Russ, it'll be weird having KD and Russ on the same team. Hmmmm what to do? Alright, I'll just tell him that I heard rumours that the guys on the other team think that bush face should have won the MVP award last year.

LeBron: I got Russ

Everybody except KD: *whistles*

Kevin: What? Team LeBron rawr!

LeBron: Wait, where's Russ?

Victor: we were walking together and both got held up at the security. Apparently, nobody knows me nor heard of my name 😢 I got in after showing my youtube highlights.

Jimmy: Oh crap, I knew it was him! I saw a bunch of security guards arguing with a homeless guy that looks very agitated trying to make his way to the door. He keeps shouting "WHY NOT?!?!" when they wouldn't let him in.

Inner Steph: Wow, might as well name his team Team Cavs errr Team Dysfunction.

Steph: LeBron, since you've watched The Godfather a million times, I'll make you an offer that you can't refuse: Let me take Jimmy Buckets and Klay and I'll let you keep the best backcourt in the East, Kristaps, and Dipo. What do you think?

LeBron: But you already have DeMar, I don't think we're allowed to trade since Woj already leaked the starters 💣

Steph: Haha you're funny, I'm talking about the self-proclaimed best backcourt in the NBA - Wall and Beal.

Bradley Beal: Why do we have to be on the same team?

John Wall: LOL

Draymond: I swear if I get the chance to play against you, I'll kick you in the nuts!

Dame: that's not how you beg to get picked, Dray

Kyle: We're the best backcourt in the East!

DeMar: Wizards best backcourt? FOH #proveem!

Inner LeBron: That looks like a sweet deal, and besides, who would want these Raptors who can't shoot smh. Wardell should have 4 picks left to my 2 picks, and he should be able to get Kevin Love with one of those picks.

LeBron: Deal!

Inner Steph: oooh he fell for it! now, let's finish this up and complete his Team Wreckage 😏

Steph: alright, since you have 2 picks left, and since I get the pick first in this round, that means I get to pick 3 players before you get your turn again 😏

LeBron: I knew you're up to something!

Steph: here we go - Dame, Kyle, Draymond. Boom!

Inner LeBron: a**hole forcing me to pick Kevin. No point to make him the last pick, he'll just go emo on me all over again

LeBron: Ok, I got my brother, Kevin

Woj: LeBron's last pick is LaMarcus 💣

LeBron: F U Woj, how did you know that

Steph: Do I have to announce that I picked Al?

Woj: I ain't even tweeting that 💣